How art school and growing up killed my art.
I know just how you feel…
When I think about painting again or making anything, I get completely overwhelmed. There are so many great images out there, I feel like why bother. It was a lot easier when I didn’t watch television or go on the computer very often. It was easier when I was so naive that I thought I would be a famous artist one day (I really did think that once). It was easier when I was in college with assignments and professors who inspired, challenged and motivated me. It was easier when I had my own studio space and time to spend there.
I am very sad about it. The answer seems easy, just pick up a pencil or a paintbrush and make something. I can’t seem to answer my own inner questions- why must this exist? Who is this for? It’s like I have to have the artist statement written before I can produce the work.
I can formally critique just about anything, but I am so skilled at that, that it blocks my own creativity. Now that I have been making next to nothing for 5+ years, my skills are not refined anymore. Everything I even try to make looks shoddy, leading me to get frustrated and give up.
Even right now, I am thinking that my grammar is probably off, and I lack proper vocabulary and sentence structures.
I hate being like this. I get jealous of everyone else who can happily easily create things.
Still, I hope that when I move into my own place, I can set up a peaceful place and make SOMETHING. Maybe I will rise out of this state of jadedness.
